s Confession time: Jealousy, Resentment and Just Being Dog Tired - The Kim Six Fix
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Confession time: Jealousy, Resentment and Just Being Dog Tired

Warning: Today's post is going to be a little different from my usual style.  I don't usually write personal posts about my life choices, and why I do the things I do.  I actually don't share much about myself and my motivations for blogging.  That isn't what this blog is about.  I try to write my posts from a "just the facts ma'am" POV.  You wanna know how to drywall? Knock off some girl scout cookies?  Put together a mantlescape for $0? I'm your girl.  No fluff about it. But today is not going to be one of those posts. 
 
Today I am doing a little reflecting, and decided I was going to share my thoughts with you, since honestly, it has a lot to do with you.  Therefore, if a few personal confessions aren't what you want to read about, please feel free to skip this post.  I won't be offended.   And I promise starting Monday I will be back to sharing the nitty gritty details of my kitchen transformation.  
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 Lately I have been in a funk, and want to get it off my chest, since it has been bugging me.  The thing that pushed me over the edge was Kristi's post at Addicted to Decorating called "The Ugly Truth about Jealousy and Comparison" (which you should TOTALLY read if you get a chance.)  She said a lot of the things that have been on my mind too.  Kristi is another DIY blogger, who unlike a lot of other DIY bloggers (especially those who do large scale construction/renovation projects) doesn't have help from her spouse.  There is nobody waiting in the wings to give her a boost when things get hard.
 
For Kristi, it is health reasons that prevent her husband from helping her as much as she would like (and she confesses her own need to control things,) but for me it is complete lack of interest and apathy by my husband.  He is not, and never has been, a handy guy. He was like that when I married him, and I honestly don't want to change him.  I have always been the one who jumped in feet first to a project, and I will always be the one holding the bag.  HOWEVER (and yes, I am back-pedaling here a little) it would be nice to have someone there to hold the ladder when I am installing can lights in the ceiling or manhandling 6x8 foot sheets of beadboard in a 6.5x8.5 foot powder room.  Sometimes, being on your own just sucks. 
 
Now this is where my other confession comes in to play: When it comes to my blog, I always feel like I am not doing enough. I'm not productive enough, I can't come up with ideas which are unique enough or interesting enough,  I can't network enough or keep up with the latest trends.  I always feel like I could be doing better, especially in the world of blogging where you are only as "hot" as your latest project.  I don't feel like I can keep up. 
I know this is all in my head, since there are no blogger police out there regulating the quality and quantity of blog posts, but I still feel it.  The self-induced pressure to be a successful blogger for no other reason than to make myself happy (since I have no aspirations of ever making a living off my blog.. I could earn a lot more going back to work at my previous occupation.)  
 
I am well aware I shouldn't spend time comparing myself to all those bloggers who do have help behind the scenes.  Those big blogs with thousands of followers and where every post gets dozens of comments.  That isn't what my blog is supposed to be about.  I should be proud of what I can accomplish on my own, and not worry if I can't crank out a new awesome reveal every other week. 
Yes, I know that in my brain..
 
  So why then do I still wish I could be more successful?  I just can't help it!  I wanna be just like them (because they are friggin' awesome!!!)
I get frustrated, and (I confess) jealous, of those other bloggers who have someone there to help with, and in some cases, to actually do some of the work for them.  I know that not every successful female DIY blogger has someone helping her, the comments on Kristi's post prove that, but some days it seems like some of them must have an army of helpers behind the scenes the way they pump out projects like an episode of Trading Spaces.  I look at blogger couples and think, "Wow! If only there were only another one of me, I could be twice as productive!"   
 
Or would I?  
 
Even those bloggers who work as a couple have commitments and pressures.  For example, Roeshel at DIYShowoff admits her house is not always as picture perfect as it seems, and Alison at House of Hepworth, who often gets help from her husband Ben on her projects, got hate mail for taking a step back from her blog for the summer in order to spend more time with her kids.    You just can't win.
 
Being with my kids is one the reasons I started working on my home improvement projects in the first place.  After leaving my long-hours, high-pressure career to be a stay at home home, I wanted to contribute to my household by making my home a better place to be.  I wanted to actually do something constructive with my time.  Something that was satisfying and at the same time taught my kids that girls can hang out at the Home Depot or fix a faucet without having to wait for someone to do it for them.   It was about feeling empowered and feeling useful
Becoming a successful DIY blogger was an afterthought.  
 
 And if I had to do it over again, I would do it mostly the same way.  I love what I have contributed to my family both emotionally and financially, by improving my home(s) and even increasing their value.  I would still blog about all my projects, I would still go public and I would still join my first ever link party.   I adore the DIY blogging community and all the inspiration I get from other bloggers out there. I feel like I get just as much as I give.  
 
For example, I would never have come up with the idea for my most popular post if it weren't for an inspirational blogger who put it out there. If I hadn't jumped into it whole-heartedly I wouldn't have accomplished everything I have.  Reading about everyone else's projects has inspired me, made me a better DIY'r, and given me the courage to try things I never thought I could handle.   But it also has given me unrealistic expectations for myself.   
 
The one thing I would change is
I would cut myself a break. 
I am only one person.  One middle aged woman, with two kids, a backlog of dirty dishes in the sink and pile of dirty laundry affectionately known as Mt.Washmore.   I am squeezing in my home improvement projects while juggling the carpool line, potty training and getting dinner on the table. You are never going to see a fantastic $50,000 renovation, because we live off a single income so I can stay home with my kids.  The budget is the budget and there are only 24 hours in a day.  That is the real me.    
So I need to cut myself some slack and maybe even step away.. because some days I am just plain TIRED.  There are times when I have big plans and I just can't seem to follow though (can you say "Garage Reveal" anyone?!) but I am doing my best.  I want to be a good great super awesome blogger and I want to post as often as I can, but some days I have to leave the blog behind and focus on my kids.  I want to be creative and amazing and funny and humble, but some days are better spent fulfilling a three-year-old's request. My blog has become really important to me, but I can't let it define me, either as a success or as a failure.  
 
I am more than my blog.
 
  But I do want my readers to know that whenever you comment on a post and you tell me you like something I have done, I take it to heart.  You have no idea how much it means to me to see my inbox light up with comments and emails.. you seriously have NO IDEA.  I appreciate every encouraging word.  And please know that when you talk about my blog, you are talking about ME!  My projects.. since that is what they are: 100% MINE.  And I am so happy to know you enjoy them, warts and all.
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30 comments :

  1. Welcome to the world of Scattermom! My DH helps, sometimes. Not often-- and honestly it's often more of an effort to get him to where my idea lives than it is worth.

    Seriously, you busted your butt on the kitchen and it looks awesome. But, like the day after Christmas, there's a down period for those big projects. And getting burned out is real.

    Fuck it-- do what you want, how you want to. Do it to make yourself happy-- or to share with people how cool the real cost behind some of those fancy pottery barn decorations.

    That's my theory at least. Says the still-not-done-with-the-closet-from-June. Or the books shelves from March. Or the breakfast dishes.

    Chasing sponsorships isn't my thing. Too much like work, IMO.

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  2. I think all genres of bloggers feel this. I wonder a lot what it takes to have a super successful blog. People behind the scenes? Paying people to promote your blog in secret (me, and other bloggers I know, think this happens a lot, not that anyone would admit it), or is just luck? One post that maybe catapults a perfectly average blogger into the stratosphere. I know I have read popular blogs that are written as though the author failed English 101. Who really have nothing interesting to say, but still blow up as though they do. Sometimes I have been jealous, back in my blogging heyday, which is NOT right now, but it's just so hard to pinpoint how they do it. And, yeah, I am not dedicating my life to the internet. I am not going to throw my kids in daycare so I can spend hours on end on the blog, or other social media. I am not willing to sink money into it, either. And, yeah, I don't need to be a mega blogger, but sometimes, when you have worked really hard on something, and get hardly any comments...it sucks.

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  3. Big hugs to you Kim! You are so admired for your work and appreciated! When I saw your kitchen reveal a couple of weeks ago I thought to myself...how do people do these amazing things in their home? It just goes to show that behind every beautiful blog is another sweet lady just trying to do her best. You are so not alone! You should be so proud of yourself for being such a wonderful mother, wife, and member of this crazy and wonderful thing we call blogland!

    Take care,

    Trish

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  4. A-freaking-men! I've been on a bit of a break, mostly because I'm burnt out. There are so many projects around my house to do, and no one helps me much either. I start to feel overwhelmed and frustrated and become a witch to be around - and that's no fun for anyone.
    I would love to make some serious money off my blog, but I secretly can't stomach some of the posts from the bloggers who get paid to post. It sounds phony - and all the self promotion from some bloggers makes me want to scream "ENOUGH ALREADY!!". I've recently turned off notifications from those too desperate bloggers. I can't help but feel that blogging world is very much like high school, and I don't want to do what it takes to be popular.
    The other thing that is getting to me is that it costs a lot of money to do some of these projects, and until I am making millions off my blog, I can't afford to keep buying materials all the time. Not to mention that I've done a ton of projects, just to have something to post, only to give them away or throw them away because they don't work in my house. I am taking a step back, deciding on what is really necessary to get my house fixed up, and posting what I know is true. The kids go back to school tomorrow, and I'll get the chance to sit down and make a plan of where I want to go with this - and it might just be nowhere.

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  5. I am in the same boat. Aren't we all? I enjoy cuttin wood and power tools, enjoy painting and building and all. But stress is a bad friend! relax, slow down, and enjoy your projects as much as you can :) there are no super moms nor super bloggers. People have lives, and some are busier than others...

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  6. Kim- Please, please, please go over and read my blog today (if you haven't already). It addresses just what you are talking about. I am a lone soul, too, when it comes to project. MyHero is NOT handy and really does NOTHING around here. I resented it for years but finally figured out that he does earn a living and his interests are completely different than mine. Once I accepted that fact I was able to let go of a lot of the resentment...although there are still times it rears its ugly head.

    Hang in there, Kim. You are doing a good job and it shows. You ONLY need to be YOU! xo Diana

    ps. Do pop by though-

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  7. I love your blog and keep coming back all the time. I love what you do and it inspires me...
    I work full time so we can afford our beautiful home and I have a daughter. I love blogging and yes, it would be nice if more people gave me some feedback on my posts sometimes, but they don't and I can live with that, too ;)
    Jule

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  8. I'm a fairly new reader to your blog and will have joined you because of a project you did. What turns a blog author into a friend, is a post that gives me a peak inside the person. This is that kind of post. I'm sixty, divorced and doing it all myself. Yes, I wish I had Mr. Perfect Hubby bringing home the bacon and rebuilding old dressers into gazebos, but this is my life that I'm sharing with some pretty great folks! ~ Maureen

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  9. You are WAY more than your blog. And way better than your blog too. I've finally tried to realizes that no matter how much I want to be the 8 hour a day blogger who just comments, and emails, and social networks, I would be a horrible mother if I did!

    Even right now, as I let the two oldr kids watch a Berenstein Bears so I can read other blogs, I feel guilty about it. I should be crafting with them and documenting it for a blog post that I will write up late after they are in bed. But then I'd be a disaster all the time:)

    Just keep it up, and in the real world (not blog world) , just getting food on the table and your kids clothed is an entire job all unto itself.

    Jessica
    stayathomeista.com

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  10. Oh, G-d, we SO ALL feel this now and then. We go through stages and phases and so forth. I look at your stuff and say, my GAWD she could run Pinterest and I look at my own stuff and say, HA! As if in comparison. And then I look at my words and compare them with those of others. One of the best things I have learned by being as active as possible in the communities of blogging I surround myself with is that YOU do this for YOU and whatever else comes is wonderful. But if you pressure yourself and don't truly enjoy it - well, it will suck the life right out of you! So don't go there! :> You be you. I'll be me. And so on ... and you are one rockin' kick-arse mama. Who I find worthy and then some!

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  11. Oh, Kim, you are not alone! When it comes to my blog, I feel like I'm riding a roller coaster. One minute, I'm in it and want to go all out and make it work, the next, I'm thinking I'm crazy and ask myself what I'm doing out here with all this awesomeness.

    I agree it's such a supportive community, but fall prey to the comparison game all time too. I keep telling myself to keep doing what I do, what I would do anyways and blog about it...trying to take the pressure off from feeling I have to think of something to blog about. Does that even make sense? ok, I'm writing too much now, just know that I'm w/ya girlfriend! and I totally get it!

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  12. I've just started following your blog and am a newbie blogger myself. I'm amazed at all the projects/posts you've done and hope to have 1/2 that much to share on my blog at some point. I'm guessing in not so long from now I'll be in the same boat, but you have to know that I find what I've seen so far is awesome. It's not nothing to take care of a household, raise children, complete as many projects as you have and then blog about it. Boy, I'm writing this and I'm outta breath!!! Hope tomorrow is a better day for you :)

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  13. Thank you for writing this post, I was thinking I was the only blogger who felt this way! From reading you post and also reading the comments to it I found out I'm not the only one. Your kitchen is gorgeous and give yourself a pat on the back for doing it all yourself!!! My husband will usually help on something I want to do but it has to be when he wants to do it! Which sometimes is agravating! Just keep on doing what you are doing...I love your blog:)

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  14. Hi Kim! You're not alone in feeling the way you are feeling! Daniela, Diana, Rondell, and yes me too!! For many of us is just the same! My DH is not handy at all, lately he's been more helpful, at least taking pictures (he is a video cameraman), but all the things you mentioned are the same I keep on thinking about! I'm trying not to worry that much and do posts at my own peace!

    I love what you do! Take it easy!

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  15. testing testing

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  16. I am right there with you! It's so hard not to compare yourself to other bloggers! Stopping by from the Networking Blog Hop and now following along…I would love if you would stop by and say hello :)
    Modern Modest Beauty

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  17. Kim, I love this post. It really got me thinking. First, I feel lucky to have my DH helping me through all the DIY stuff. I can't imagine my kitchen without his help. He's very handy though. I was quite impressed after he hooked up the appliances, did the backsplash, and changed the lighting. But you go girl! Congrats on being so handy. I hope I'm that good some day.

    Next, I loved your pictures in this post. They made me lol, literally !!! The picture with the guy holding a gun saying "step away from the blog" reminds me of my husband. He complains and makes fun of my blog.  Every time I take a picture, he asked, is that going in the blog? I even get remarks like, no ones going to read that crap, why do you waste all your time. 

    There are days that I question why I even started my blog. I've come so close to deleting it. I too look at other popular blogs in hopes that someday mine will be that good. 

    You keep doing what you're doing because I love it and you've done a fabulous job!!! I like to hear you vent! You say things that remind me of myself.

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  18. the cape on the cornerAugust 20, 2012 at 10:44 AM

    truly a great post. sometimes i feel very disheartened as a blogger, whether it's feeling super proud of something and not getting featured or that people use designers/builders to get stuff done so it gets done quickly. it's always good to know you're not alone. thanks for this post, and congrats on all your kitchen features. you totally deserve it!

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  19. Kim, I think your a rock star! I started following your blog after I stumbled across your staircase makeover. I live in a totally 90's house packed full of oak and gold brass. I love what you have done in your home and I'm amazed you do all these projects by yourself with two young children.

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  20. I can't believe how much you have accomplished and I had no idea you did it yourself and have young children too. I'm an empty nester with a very wonderful handyman husband and I really struggle and get discouraged trying to keep up with my blog. I can't imagine how I could have working in a blog while my kids were young. You are accomplishing some pretty amazing things so just keep your priorities where they are and hang in there!


    Lynn

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  21. Angela @ Cottage MagpieAugust 21, 2012 at 4:22 PM

    Oh boy, do I ever feel you! I know exactly what you mean. My husband does help me somewhat, but he doesn't really enjoy home improvement projects, and painting and gardening are specifically *not* "in his contract" so there's a lot I have to do on my own, too. Plus I work full time, and homeschool.... and yet for some reason I want to be super successful with my blog! It's hard. I don't want to give up on having a successful blog, but I also don't want to become something I'm not. Like you, I am only one person and I have only so much time. So I'm with you.

    Meanwhile, I love you rblog and your proejcts totally inspire me! So don't give up!

    ~Angela~

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  22. Eliesa @ Pinterest AddictAugust 22, 2012 at 10:05 AM

    I do believe that you crawled in my head and wrote what I was thinking... I love that you do all this stuff yourself. For some reason, it makes me think they are that much more amazing! Love your kitchen -be prepared for me to swipe some of your ideas!

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  23. Great post, Kim! I know exactly how you feel. I started blogging just slightly less than two years ago & have learned so many things from my fellow bloggers. I've done my share of "copy cat" projects, & had never used the term "vignette" before or even knew what a "cloche" was until I saw it on blogs. I try to stay true to myself, but lately had fallen into the trap of feeling I needed to change something in order to post about it. I love the connection with my blogger friends, so I'm trying to do more of the "every day" happenings & just toss in a bigger project when it actually occurs. I think it's going to make blogging much more fun.


    I think it's wonderful that you are able to do the things you do with no spousal assistance. I do have a very handy & hands-on hubby, who actually enjoys most DIY projects. I'm more on the design-side, coming up with an endless "honey-do" list, but The Man does say "NO" occasionally. It's pretty much a team effort around here!


    CAS

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  24. Wow! I saved this post so I could respond when I had time....so right now i'm laying down for a rest from cleaning and staging my house for I don't know how many times in an effort to sell. I didn't want to sell, just wanted the hundred or so pojects that we left undone around here to be well, done. But when he got excited about selling and started working I went with iIt...
    I want you to know that you are so not alone, in both having a nonhandy partner, and being worried about not pulling your weight as a blogger. (You don't know how well you do this, you are far more relateable than any other blog I've read...and trust me I read them all in hopes of finding a way to calm this chaos!)
    I had a blog and really struggled as to what to write about....i really just wanted to highlight things I liked, talk about my kids, vent, and just share with others hoping I can help or get tips.
    I canned it in December when my youngest ran away from home and things were crazy here. I've tried to start back up but have worried that I won't offer any great tips, fantastic projects, absolutely to die for giveaways, or even a fully written for free crochet pattern....so why bother.
    And then I read this and I know why bother...because it will make me feel good, probably connect me to others, and again I hope teach me and others about the thinkings of us Moms.
    As for this house, it still isn't finished, I still have to nag to get things done or do myself, however I had open heart surgery and didn't rest long enough and no am back in a chest binder hoping my sternum will heal. And trying to accept that it is what it is, but it will change with motivation and time.
    And great hints and encouragement from women like yourself!!! Chin up, get that supper ready and on to the next project....we are watching! :)

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  25. You're doing a great job...keep up the good work!

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  26. Thanks for sharing this. I need to remember why I blog too.
    Rest up. I can't wait to read what else you have to say.
    Katie

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  27. I wanted to say ... amazing! I just spent the last hr cruzing around your blog and then came upon this and I gotta say kid you're doing a great job, keep it up. WIshing you and yours a very merry holidays
    Lizz

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  28. Kim - found your blog while doing a Google search about kitchen tile. Started at the beginning and am up to the "I'm tired" post. Love all the house projects you've done. Your husband may not be handy but I'm sure he's appreciative of your DIY talents and rewards that those reap.

    In probably 90% of households the guy is the one doing all this stuff, often with little help from the woman of the house, but that seems to be accepted as he's the "man" and society deems it his responsibility. Thanks for being atypical in this regard and like you, I can only imagine what it must be like to have a handy person to help with projects. Still I keep prodding along with updates as there is money in the budget for them.

    Currently working on our kitchen. Had granite countertops installed last Saturday and have been working on a travertine backsplash. Your blog already has me thinking of other things I could do in the room like painting the brass doorknobs (I just know how you love the brass look) to the garage and pantry in the room as well as the floor heating vent, possibly taking out the florescent light fixture and installing something more contemporary though like a previous project of yours the popcorn ceiling is begging to give me fits on that one. And I have picked up enthusiasm for these future projects after reading your blog so you must be doing something right!

    Keep up the good work and remember when it's no longer fun blogging then it must be work and work is a four letter word!

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  29. You do an awesome job! Just found your blog site and i love it :-)

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  30. This is one awesome post Kim! Exactly what I wanted to hear. Thank you! Didn't realize you had rebranded the blog. Used to love the Money pit name. Always brought a smile to my face coz that is what we used to call our first home. Doing it alone, hear you on that too..


    Vidya

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